[+20.8.05! || 12:32]

i just have too many things to say. :D
try and stop me >.<

it's just one of the occasions where i am overjoyed for no apparent reason. and writing it down is my way of celebrating it. i actually really love this year, im having so much fun. despite it being the absolute wrong time to do so. there's just so many ups and downs and that's what constitutes to the exhilaration of life. i dont detest the downs though they're painful and gruelling i wished they'd never existed but then again i find i'm happy at those points in time (no i'm not saddistic thank you very much) it's just that the little miniscule things that bring about the slightest smile on your face can be so vastly amplified even in its coy and unsignificant way. sometimes it's just that someone calls, out of the blue, just to tell me that the sun is really bright today. you wouldn't know my elation........ or it's that i meet a friend on my way to nowhere with no one as company, and small little details start to unravel, like how she just lives down the road or that she oftens makes trips to the same place as well. maybe it can be a day, when i find myself with a moment or two to spare, to read my diary or just to lose my senses in music. little nitty gritties that are so enchanting because you never know when they are coming, when they happen, or when they end. but once it does end, you're not hateful that it has either, because it has already provided you with more than enough rejuvenation to continue your way in reality and you are ready come what may.

i know not to define my feelings anymore. because it's just too intermitten, and too intricate for discussion or analysis. it cant be broken down into segments to be classified, and it cant be labelled with a single word. it's been forcefully locked into two categories all this while, the usual happy or sad, and that's what causes a huge internal strife. the diversification is just too great i have learnt, i must not leash them up the way they are not supposed to be. instead, letting go is the way to salvation. i understand but have not since come to a conclusion on how to achieve that. something that is the bane of my existance. i never seemed to be able to let go, never seemed to be able to handle not being in the know of what's about to happen next. the very emotions within me threaten my organization, as it is that uncontrollable, that unpredictable. maybe it's more of the people, environment and situations, and many other indefinite variables, that depicts it all. as such, im determined to be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.



\m/ ahhhhhhh! \m/

(:

all that matters, is today(: -