[+28.8.05! || 13:01]

i realised my blog's hardly private anymore. i cant bring myself to put down really really personal stuff. i know whatever i write down will be a subject to whoever who reads it to ponder over and attempt to guess and figure out what exactly i'm trying to say, whom it's about or whom it's for and every other implication it might bring about. it's hard not to turn it into a guessing game while not displaying every notion out in the open. i started thinking again. and it's hard to let go once you've started. it seems like there never was once that i'd stopped considering about what had happened, may have happened, and all the little reasons for it even down to the silliest ones. but that's just how it is isn't it. just that for this the response is puzzlingly delayed. it'll go away in awhile i am sure, but there'll always be catalysts and stimulants for the process to set in action over again. it's illogical for it not to have been terminated now that i've got more than enough to handle and furthermore it's hardly worth reminiscing, but as you know. shit just happens. maybe i didnt realise it's been there at the back of my mind all this while because i've become so accustomed to hearing those maybes ring in my head for a long time already, and i cant see what i'm doing to myself then. i really wished it was not for something that indecent and disgusting that evokes emotions of negativity linked to memories of it. but helpless as i am as i saw it settle in, i can't do anything but sit and wait for it to leave.

all that matters, is today(: -