[+15.4.07! || 19:44]

i'm determined to type at a sentence here today. i dont know what difference it makes to this vast world but i think it does to me. i only realised that after surfing some blogs that it's actually lovely to read abt people you miss but not have any time/chance to tell them that you miss them or ask them how they're getting along.
how come it's so difficult to fit everything in nicely. how come there has to be some opportunity cost in scheduling and meetings. how come even when everything is arranged snugly and i get to be emotionally rejuvenated by people who make my life complete, there has to be a nagging thought in my head saying damnit you're supposed to be talking to books cause you're a schoolgirl not some socialite.
well, i dont think catching up with friends is socialising, and that i'm not wasting my youth or throwing away my future. there are so many people i feel who i want to be there for even in the most insignificant of ways. i know cause im needy too.
i think it's my mind being oiled to highlight and glorify spending time with the boyfriend as a necessity. or like it's a 6.34pm train that work people rush and complete their last ounce of work to catch at the end of the day, because if they dont, the sky is going to fall and earth is going to crack like an egg, life will become death and everything will spiral out of control. but what it does for you, though comfortingly and reassuringly delivers you to your house in time for dinner with the family, ends at saving you that few minutes. just like how presents,hugs&kisses they give you end at i love you. for the hate you feel in life, there's everything else you have to deal with. (like the baby crying when you reach home, or ploughing through tax forms and whatever invoices)
but it's stupid and ignorant of you who think like that, not to identify the underlying yet paramount happiness that love or companionship gives you and spreads its veins throughout your life to bring it sunshine and kill the mould.
i went home today (second, not first) and had prince scratch me all over. i love alex in every way and it's not abt status, experience, thrill, infatuation, physical intimacy or any warped ideas people who clearly do not understand what it means think it's about. all those flowers and chocolates and rings and sugar-coated messages are secondary and only serve as complications to its purity. it's simple. we breathe each other. and that, is nothing, like a lifeless smelly old train.



kobahnwa!(whitley smell on my hands)

all that matters, is today(: -