[+21.4.08! || 08:56]

This time it's for real. There's no going back, no more thinking and pondering and wondering and imagining and deciding. It's now a part of my past and nothing else. The firm goodbye makes it easier for me to convince, control and carry on. The night ended with a bang because I made my choice to let go of the fragmenting remnants first and I had my bravery as a substitute emotion for tears. But the end only started when I woke up with big fat tears squeezing through my eyelids at 5am after a terrible dream, & realized the emotional release got the better of my subconscious self and was inevitable no matter the initial feelings. So as much as I hate that we're not on speaking terms, it's time for us to choose, and your actions and words don't show that you still want us, so we'll go separate ways. I couldn't see how much your hesitation was hurting me because I was happy to have had at least some of you, listening to me and bothering to talk to me. But you were right to say that it was selfish of you to want the best of both worlds, when I was the one still reassuring you that my feelings were undoubtedly there. Recalling your responses to them, I'm not sure what to believe because on one hand, the lack of confirmation from your side might just mean you were already almost over me while I was blindly pining for a restart, but on the other, you're not one to express your feelings easily either. What I did was wait for you while you had no clue what you wanted. Instead of pushing you & egging you to make a decision anymore, I've made it for you. The ball was in your court, but now the game is over. I will stop loving you, and I will forget you.

all that matters, is today(: -