hello everyone

there was a moment on the train today when my mind was taken back into the vast passages of my memory & i realised that any molecule of happy thought related to 2 people being together has been polluted and can no longer serve the function of optimism; it instead brings about a cloud of gloom, doom & lies that leaves me running in the other direction.

then it dawned that what i have is phobia.

in place of trust & hope is a fear that stems from hurt so deep it reaches precariously near the idea of failure.

*

saw edwyna's dad today (george) at parkway parade and i was wondering whether it was him when daryl b. looked at me and went, 'is that him?' i guess teenagers are teetering so close to political apathy that we don't even know the faces of our favourite governmental celebrities.

either that or it was just unbelievable that he was there.

we had coffeebean mostly to ourselves today and i managed some major soci catching up (even though what i completed was equivalent to only a quarter of this week's readings.)

at least i learnt the many facets of prostitution and its functions, sanctioned or abhorred.

And macbook collection! 1 night without it and i already felt empty like a bottomless pit. i was elated at how it is now geared to brave dirt & dust & anything not white.. then i saw a red one ! 

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ultimate matching with my mouse (: keep a lookout for me alright if you know where they sell it do tell me! red is the new white hahaha

back to school for gek lect at 4 with daryl c. (a way to standardize all the daryls, go by abc) which ended prematurely at 5 instead of 6

homebound and did 5.2 & i felt like an impregnable force

*

Knew the signs, wasn't right

I was stupid for a while, swept away by you

And now i feel like a fool

So confused, my heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach, couldn't see

We were never meant to be

Catch myself from despair

I could drown, if I stay here

Keeping busy everyday

I know I will be okay

So much hurt, so much pain

Takes awhile to regain, what is lost inside

And I hope that in time, you'll be out of my mind

And I'll be over you

But I was, so confused

My heart's bruised

Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far

I never had your heart

Out of reach, couldn't see

We were never meant to be

-Gabrielle, Out of Reach