"How can you let someone you like cry?" (freng, 2010)

i sometimes oscillate between feeling fortunate and hopeless. what we construe as happiness complicates as we are exposed to more, spinning a web of expectations that is difficult to extricate yourself from. it may be in the form of quantity (i.e. numbers like 1-10 cough) or the incremental benefit it adds to your glorification, like an installment of jewels to your already-laden crown.

unfortunately, I don't find being the target of affection (and a side order of humiliation) any more a consolation than a tissue box to dry my desolation. in fact, i believe i was escorted through a mind-gruelling (if not otherwise known as mfing) spate of tears and frowns (maybe with a dash of smiles) by an overly concerned gentleman these few days. but i assure you, it's no laughing matter. why do people fight for fighting's sake, throwing their friendships callously around without sign or sound. boys are infinitely more unreasonable than girls' and their emotional demands (which should not be disputed if you still value your life and fathers' day presents) and occasionally more hysterical too

i wonder what exactly i'm bringing upon myself (is it dessert or disaster?), it somehow feels like i'm transported back 4 years ago, when it was all about negative numbers. it takes 4 years to run a full round on the hamster's wheel, back to where my displacement is zero (except in this case i believe i can't find the true zero anymore) my worries plague me even when they're unimportant, because i'm pressured to fulfil others' conquests of scoring goals and winning bets. sometimes, you guys make me sad. forgive me if i'm not all that ecstatic to second guess the underlying basis for telling me things that seem to be bending me into any shape you want.
someone bend me back into a smile
):