Feeling even more troubled and dejected after coming back.

With a torn soul and a heavy heart - the getaway was not a getaway at all. This week has seen alot of fatal perils, and even more failure perils. And it might never come undone with all the fear in tow. You know how some people treasure life, family, friends, love? I don't know how I do it, but I simply don't at this point. And I don't know how I managed to get this way, because I wasn't always. It takes a certain amount of inflicting to possibly get that damaged - that it must have started long before. And in turn I have caused alot of pain to others. Whoever who has been in that position before, I'm here to say sorry.

When I think about my future, I draw a blank - and now I know the reason why. I don't have one. The things I have yet to do are many - and I want to do them - but not in this state, and not as much as I want to end this reign of sad.