[+21.5.13! || 15:43]

I thought this was a disastrous event - trying to mitigate the situation but instead having it blow up in my face. Girls all over, please don't try this at home. It is the common mistake that the dainty ladies with fragile feelings and even the Miss I-need-an-industrial-forklift-for-my-emotional-baggage drama queens would make. What I'm referring to, is not the innocent and arguably reasonable need to feel wanted (albeit within sane limits), but the unending point of satisfaction that you are constantly chasing for, eventually forgetting the need you had set out to fulfill in the first place.

There is this tool in Psychology to assess the deep-set beliefs and attitudes that we, as complicated human beings, hold that contort our minds to think we are miserable. Like cancer, we start attacking our own body cells to get rid of the malaise but not realising that the source is within us and the attack is detrimental, or perhaps futile at best. We use the concept of the Downward Arrow, drilling deep into the recesses of our consciousness and peeling off the layers of artificial expectations, down to the root source. We learn to keep our eye on the prize, not to be caught in the thrill of the chase. Take out the opinions, the judgments, and the assumptions, to whittle it down to a pure humanistic instinct - the need for attention, for love, for connection and warmth (without which we would be like The Walking Dead). That is something that we make no apologies for.

Finding the balance between fulfilling that need and imposing demands on others is the tough part. Constantly faced with the dilemma of whether to be honest & difficult or untruthful & appeasing, I would often choose the latter - not because there is a right and wrong in the world of personality, but rather that our inner demons come in all shapes and sizes. People's decision-making processes are just like electric currents - they take the path of least resistance. To me, confrontation is resistance. But then it occurred to me that it did not really matter what the details were - all the he-said-she-said of debate contests, as long as there is communication, rationality and truth, the end is justified. Keep your love, (kiss your man) and carry on.

One other thing that did not sit well though was the inherent sense of guilt for putting someone out with this unnecessary stress when all they had was good intentions in the first place. But I remembered the bottom line, like all lines, highlights the important point and delivers it like a punch - when we grow old with wobbly knees and would probably be stuck on our motorized wheelchairs anyway, we will be giggling like little children about how our youthful love was wasted on these impetuous ideals we had before.

Growing old together with you - what hold will indignation have over us?

all that matters, is today(: -